I’ve just read a brilliant book called ‘The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving a F**k’ by Sarah Knight. This was a welcome departure from my usual heavy going self help book choice and a breath of fresh air. It’s inspired me to write a blog post and hopefully invite you to re-evaluate the f*cks you are giving in your life.
I’ve spent my life giving way too many f*cks about way too many things I shouldn’t have. I’m not talking about big important things like my family (I’m not a monster! Of COURSE I give a f*ck about them!). The book talks about the time and energy we give to things we really don’t need to, and how we can switch our focus to the things we actually WANT to care about – rather than what imposed rules that politeness or society or other people dictate. A good example that she gives is work meetings. If you, like I used to, work in a corporate environment the amount of meetings people put in your diary and expect you to attend can get way out of control! Now is it really necessary to go to all of them? And furthermore, why is it that we care so much or give too many f*cks about them in the first place? She cites fear of judgement of boss and colleagues as the biggest factor. I’d be inclined to agree, would you?
This fear of others judging us is a common theme and one that we can train ourselves to let go of. The benefit is a sense of freedom never before experienced!
There are so many gems in this book it’s hard to paraphrase it all so I urge you to read it. One of the key things I got from it was the notion of ‘tidying up your f*ck drawer’ or looking at the things consuming you and seeing what you can get rid of. Here’s some of mine:
Things I am giving up giving a f*ck about:
- The size of my arse – yes its big, it’s meant to be big, I have curves. I spent so long comparing myself to my slim, straight up and down mum and sisters. I’m not built that way and hey if it works for Beyonce, J Lo and the Kardashians.. my arse is actually in fashion! I’m so done with this. It has consumed so much energy and I’ve had ENOUGH. Also, I run therapy groups where I encourage women to love their bodies – I must practice what I preach 🙂
- Being late – whilst I will never be one of those people who saunters in 30 minutes late to any meeting, friends catch up etc, ( I think it’s just plain rude) I will stop giving a f*ck about being a tiny bit late. Honestly I make life so difficult for myself with my late phobia and in reality NO ONE CARES if I’m a bit late or not. This feeds into the bigger issue of…
- What people think of me. Ouch this is a hard one for me. I have always cared too much about what people think of me. As I’ve got older and more comfortable in my own skin it has lessened, but there’s still a bit of it left. I KNOW I’m not a horrible person but yes, I can be a bit dreamy, mostly I don’t wear makeup at weekends and the people who really care love me for who I am and why would I give a monkeys about what the people who don’t care think. I often say this mantra to myself “Be who you are and say what you feel because those who matter won’t mind and those who mind don’t matter”.
- Owning a property. I can be so guilty of the compare and despair cycle! Most of my lovely friends are home owners and very nice houses they have too. I’m renting and can’t foresee a situation where I’ll be able to buy, being self -employed and single (another one to add to the list). I have noticed that a lot of my aforementioned friends have been spending a lot of money on extensions etc. meaning less funds for doing nice things – it’s changed my perspective and for now at least, I’m going to be grateful that I have the disposable income to go to nice restaurants and have lovely holidays. Whilst there is absolutely nothing wrong with owning a home and spending money on it, there’s equally nothing wrong with not owning one. Social conditioning has a lot to answer for…
That’s enough to be getting on with! Giving a f*ck about the things above doesn’t serve me. In letting go of them I can have more space in my head to give a f*ck about really important things like having fun, genuinely caring for my body – i.e exercising regularly but not with the sole goal of getting smaller, spending quality time with friends and family and devoting time to my business.
What things are you giving too much of a f*ck about? What’s consuming you? What are you ready to let go of? (hint – it’s probably the thing causing you most distress!).
Draw up 2 lists
- What’s really important to you e.g spending time with family, renovating house, meeting your best friend for coffee.
- What is consuming you and not adding to your happiness.
For the second list, it might be things like sorting out your spare room – just sort it or decide to stop giving a f*ck, how about those ‘duty’ catch ups, old friends you have nothing in common with, but feel obliged to spend a whole evening with? Either say no or limit the time you spend with them, have a coffee twice a year instead. Go through your list and make a decision to let go of some of it- be ruthless or start with a few that seem easier.
What would the you who doesn’t give a f*ck do? What new things would you try?
Just think of the freedom you’ll feel when you let go of some of the burdens! Just think of that extra time and head space you’ll have to devote to the things you love, instead of the things that make you feel yucky inside.
I would love to hear from you – please comment below or drop me a message and let’s not give a f*ck together!
PS If you are someone who gives a f*ck about other people swearing I suggest you start with this.